Furthermore, I have sharpie on my hand, and I think that it has transferred to the side of my face. There are so many things that I've been thinking about lately, and I don't know how to put any of them into words as well as I would like to. I want to tell people things, and I don't know how to go about it. This red hot isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Remember that old lame myspace thing where you write things down about people and then number them so that people have to guess if it's about them or not? I hate those, because I'll se negative things and wonder if they are about me. It's annoying, but I feel like I want to do one of those things right now, but I'll leave out all the guessing...
Marissa, I've been reading all of your blogs. Just so you know. I enjoy reading them and I want you to know that I think that you don't give yourself enough credit. I think that you are a very interesting person and I enjoy your company a lot. Marie, I also have been reading all of your blogs (and for some reason am now going to eat another red hot) and I am so glad that you are coming back to Texas! I was kind of hoping you would since we just actually became friends over the summer. Erin, I love being your boyfriend, just in case I haven't told you enough, and am so looking forward to your birthday and going to LaserQuest on Valentines Day! I really can't imagine dating anyone else. Lindsay, I feel bad for winning the T-shirt contest, probably because I don't like making you feel bad, you're one of the most fun people I know. Riley, it seems like we haven't talked to one another since school started. I feel like I have to try really hard to get anything out of you. You are so distracted by school and stuff. (aka, why I recommended not taking American Studies. It's a life sucker.) Why am I writing all this? I don't know. I guess I'm relieving some of the nonsense bouncing around around in my head. Molly, I feel really bad afterward when I get fed up with you and yell. I'm sorry. I wish that wasn't the first thing to come to your mind when we mention problems with people working together in the bands. I do think you are possibly the most naturally musically talented person I know and I enjoy working with you. Callie, I am so thankful you joined JLT this year, it's been really wonderful working with you, you have a beautiful voice and more talent than you give yourself credit for. The CD you recorded is amazing. Thanks for giving me a copy. Taylor, I do not know what I would have done if you didn't rejoin the band last year. I completely need our remedial chats after practice last year. Remember that one time you, Riley and I went to Starbucks? That was (slightly unrelated, but) wonderful. I'm glad you and I think similarly, it has given me some confidence that I otherwise wouldn't have had last year when we (for all intensive purposes) didn't have a leader. Speaking of which, Robby, you are possibly the best thing to happen to our band. You have taught us so many things and helped us come a very long way from the first time your heard us play. Tyler, I'm glad you're in the band this year, otherwise I would still think of you like I did when we were all in junior high. (I'm going to eat another red hot, I think I night be addicted now...) Trey, we really need to get together to work on that Narnia song, I really like how it's gone so far. Also, thanks for inviting me to be a part of shindig this year, it's been really good for me, and I'm getting a lot out of it.
I had a dream about a month ago in which my mom died, it was horrible, I don't remember the dream, I just remember sobbing after whatever happened happened in the dream, and then waking up and sobbing for real. I stayed like that for like 10 minutes and then went back to sleep. I haven't told my mom because I don't know how I would (does she read my blog? I guess I'll find out soon) but I went up to her and my dad the next morning and gave them really long hugs because I'm so thankful for them. I don't know what I'd do without them. Speaking of which, Marie, I'm going to read A Grief Observed soon, because I've been meaning to and you said it is so good. I'm praying for you, Marie, which reminds me, if anyone has anything they would like prayer for, feel free to ask, because I would love to pray for you.
Whew, this is becoming quite long, I apologize! (Red hot time, again.) I've been so nostalgic lately. For kids camp. For junior high camp. For high school camp. I'm really ready for this weekend, because as much as Jeremy and Darren are pushing this as a non-christian-oriented weekend, I really need a refocusing time. Hopefully I will be able to do the whole re-focusing thing on my own time when I lose the necessity of having retreats and camps to go to. Maybe that is why I keep hearing of 249 alumni not faring so well? I don't know. I keep telling myself that I will be better than the old 249ers that went off and made bad decisions, and I have no idea how I could stray from Christianity, but I'm sure I have no idea what will push against my faith in the coming years. I hope and pray that I can stay faithful and thankful and loving to God. God did, after all choose the foolish things to shame the wise and the small things to shame the strong. I guess it's good, then, that I'm not particularly wise or strong... (btw, I probably just completely missed the actual purpose of that verse. It's more like, we're all nothing before God, we have nothing to boast for except the redemption of Christ.)
(I am now going to eat another red hot, thank you, Ben and Erika, for introducing me to the joy that is red hots!)
Lately (as in the past year and a half) I've been painting/drawing sunrises/sunsets on almost everything that I've created for art class or in my sketchbook. I can think of 5 at least. And I've also been painting a lot of landscapes, which is weird for me because I am more of a design person than a realism person. I guess I'm going through a phase or something. But I really think it's deeper than just happening to draw landscapes and stuff for fun. I would like to think of it as what one of the angels says to the artist in The Great Divorce by C.S Lewis. As the artist expresses to the angel how much he desires to paint the wonders of heaven that he is seeing, the angel replies: "When you painted on earth--at least in your earlier days--it was because you caught glimpses of Heaven in the earthly landscape. The success of your painting was that it enables others o see the glimpses too," and later tells the artist "Light itself was your first love: you loved paint only as a means of telling about light." Ah! I've just been distracted. I suggest reading The Great Divorce if you haven't, and re-reading it if you have. What a wonderful book. It is to my great dismay that the artist goes back to hell after his conversation with the angel is over. Probably because I see a bit of myself in him. The angel tells his that everyone is famous and known in heaven, but also equal and everyone is like "light and mirrors" reflecting the light of God. When the artist asks him if he could meet Cezanne, or some other famous artist the angel tells him that he doesn't know if they are in heaven for that reason and he doesn't deal well with that.
Well, now it's time for bed. If you read this whole blog you deserve a red hot. Ask me if I have any next time you see me and I probably will, since I now love them.
Blathering over,
(for now)
Zach
1 comment:
I seriously enjoyed reading this, dear :)
and, for the record, I sincerely enjoy being your girlfriend :D I can't imagine myself with anyone else either.
Also, I did read the whole thing, but if it's one of those "cinnamon balls" you gave me the other day, I don't want another! They were WAY too hot! I usually like cinnamon things, but that brought tears to my eyes. When you weren't paying attention I ran into the kitchen and spit it out haha :)
<3
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